Updated: Dec 2, 2021
Who are you? What do you believe? Why do you do the things you do? What fears keep you stuck? What makes you angry? Why are you so out of control? Why don’t you have the relationship/body/job of your dreams? Who or what is to blame? How have you ended up here?
Our stories. They are the defences behind all of our words and actions. Our justifications for who we are and why we behave the way we do. They are the invisible forces that run our lives. Our stories are the excuses we use to explain away the condition of our lives. We think they keep us safe by shielding us from the questions and judgements of others; but when you stop and look and listen, you’ll realise the uncomfortable truth.
They’re not real.
They’re just stories. A summary of outdated, limited belief systems that we like to repeat to ourselves and others over and over again until, hopefully, someone believes them. Your beliefs are not real, you don’t have to believe the things you do. You blindly believe most of the things you do simply because your parents or teachers or anyone else who raised you told you what to believe about yourself and the world. So many of your stories are based on beliefs about your race, your religion, your culture, your gender, your nationality, your financial status, your…well... You name it, you’ve got a belief about it and therefore a story relating to it. Your stories are not the truth of who you are, they are constructs that are very often based on someone else’s experiences, not your own. And yet you let them define you. Your stories are the bricks that have built a wall between you and the life you really want to be living.
Think of all the repetitive stories you use every day to explain why your life isn’t working for you:
I don’t have money because…..
I don’t have the body I want because…..
I don’t have the career I really want because…..
I don’t have the relationship I dream of because…..
I don’t have the social life I wish to have because…..
I’m not happy because…..
I can’t succeed because….
Realise that up until now, you have been investing more energy in your excuses than actively creating a fantastic life for yourself. You are not getting what you want because your stories keep you stuck in an unconscious commitment to what you don’t want. How can you hope to shift anything in your life when your negative beliefs are the glue keeping you stuck in a mindset of hopelessness?
What are the untrue stories that you really need to stop telling yourself vs. the actual truth of the situation?
“I’m always broke because my boss doesn’t pay me enough money” or “I’m always broke because I keep gambling and eating out when I can’t really afford it”.
“I’m overweight because it’s genetic, my mom was big and so was my gran” or “I’m overweight because I eat too much sugar and fatty take-aways and I never exercise”?
“I’m single because I can’t find someone on my wavelength” or “I’m single because I’m inflexible and too set in my perfectionist ways to give anyone a chance past the first date”?
“I keep getting passed over for the promotion because I’m a woman” or “I’m not getting promoted because I’ve never told my boss I’m interested in getting that job”?
“She left me because she’s heartless” or “She left me because I cheated on her”?
You don’t have to justify the state of your life by repeating untrue stories to explain why you are where you are. Simply love yourself enough to let those stories go and step forward into a life of ownership and total honesty. The truth will always, always set you free.
You can have your stories and beliefs and excuses or you can live an empowered life filled with inspiring results, but you can’t have both!