Updated: Dec 2, 2021
Your values define who you are. They are the drivers behind everything you do and direct what you seek out most in relationships, work and experiences. They are your own private beliefs about what is most or least important in your life. They dictate how you behave, what you wear, how you speak, who you are friends with, what job you do, who you get into a relationship with, how you treat your body and just about everything else in your life. Your values are behind every decision and judgement you make and are the lense through which you perceive right and wrong, good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable. You will be attracted to people, jobs and experiences that resonate with your values and you will avoid any people, jobs or experiences that don’t. In fact every goal you have and will set in your life is simply a means towards getting a value met.
A value is a word with huge meaning and significance. A word like… Trust. Think about what those five letters imply. The depth of what that word can create for you in your life and your partnerships. A word that underlies so much of what connects you to other people. A word that can make or break a relationship. What about… Abundance? Richness and overflow in all things - money, love, adventure, friendships, food, luxuries. What changes in your thinking and feelings when you think of having abundance in all areas of your life? Think about other values such as: confidence, strength, honesty, safety, adventure.
Isn’t it extraordinary how one simple word can bring up such a rich world of emotions?
There are thousands of words that could be values, that could mean so much to you, that could create the life you really want if you followed them. Which ones are yours though? Have you really ever thought about it? Why would you need to?
Well, think about a time in your life when any relationship ended. What happened? Why? Think about the reasons that made you or them walk away and I’m willing to bet that when you really look at it, you simply didn’t share the same value system anymore. What was important to you was not important to them. What you wanted to receive, they couldn’t give. What you were offering them wasn’t what they wanted. You were no longer in sync and you couldn’t resonate with each other anymore. Staying meant one of you would have had to compromise who you were and that was not an option, so someone had to say goodbye.
That’s the power of values.
Values can make or break relationships, they can dictate the success or failure of a career, they can keep you dedicated to your faith or they can entice you down a different path, they can push you to commitment or sabotage when it comes to your health and fitness. Your values can propel you passionately towards something or strongly away from something. Simply put: for anything to work in your life, your values need to be met or it’s just not going to happen.
If you are struggling in you relationship or with a job or with an fitness plan or with a friend or with a spiritual path, chances are your values are not being met. If you don’t want to leave or walk away or give up, then take some time to think about your value system and look at what behaviours you can start putting in place to make sure your values are being fulfilled in every area of your life.
What are your top five values? What are the feelings you most want to experience in all areas of your life on a regular basis? In romantic relationships, your career, friendships, your health, family, your kids, money etc.
Do the people in your life know how important your values are to you? Do they know what they can say or do so you feel those values are being met?
Do you know what your partner’s / kids’ / parents’ / friends’ / siblings’ / colleagues’ values are and are you doing or saying things to make sure you’re connecting with them from a value perspective?
What value structures would you need to put in place to make sure you are being the person you want to be living the life you want to live?
Raise your awareness of how your values are affecting your life and make them work for you.