Updated: Dec 2, 2021
A new year. Another start. A time to re-evaluate your life and think about what changes you want to make. A time to create some powerful intentions around your health, relationships, career, family, education and any other area you want to transform. But before you start making all these changes ‘out there’, you have to spend some time within first.
You have to clear out old ideas and beliefs and attitudes that are no longer the foundation of who you want to be in the world.
You have to stop with the self-destructive behaviours that keep you stuck in a story you no longer want to be in.
You have to stop with the excuses that allow you to check out of your own life all the time.
You definitely have to stop with all those justifications you use every day that keep you stuck on repeat.
You have to let go of who you no longer want to be to create the space for the person you are becoming.
Letting go of the old is a process that you can begin today by considering these 10 steps
1. End relationships where you don’t feel loved, heard, seen or honoured. It's over when you are expecting too much change of each other. It's never going to work if you're not sharing the same values. It's a slippery slope when you don't like who you have become in the relationship and when you are not bringing the most empowered version of yourself to the table. It's time to walk away from relationships where there is abuse or a lack of respect for boundaries. You have the right to walk away from anything that makes you feel less of yourself.
* Choose to put yourself first and to make self-love and self-respect a priority and a habit. Be the love of your own life and only choose a new relationship if your connection to yourself is strong and clear and powerful and boundaried.
2. Move out of a living space that is no longer working for you. Your home says a lot about how you feel about yourself internally. If you aren't able to move, then then work with what you've got. Clean up, throw out the crap, donate anything you don't use or wear, move the furniture around, paint a new colour on the walls and redesign your space to reflect who you are now.
* Choose to respect your nest and keep it clean and clear of clutter. Treat your home like the sacred space it should be where you can rest and restore your soul each day.
3. Leave a job where you are kept small and undervalued and disregarded. Don't be loyal to a monthly paycheck when it's costing you everything you are. Always attempt to rectify the situation by speaking to your manager about your unhappiness and give them the opportunity to change things. If nothing changes, leave. If you can't leave, then the best you can do is to own your job completely. Show up fully and be accountable. Integrity is everything. Keep your agreements, arrive on time, do your job to the best of your ability and don't be a victim about it.
* Choose a job that empowers you and gives you a purpose. A job where you can engage like minds, share you ideas, be heard and make a difference. Maybe it's time to start that business you've always wanted to create.
4. Say goodbye to a city or a country that no longer feels like home. No matter how old you are or what your life circumstances are, it's never to late to start anew. Have you always had a fantasy about living somewhere else? Then make it happen.
* Choose to live in any city that inspires you and makes you feel alive. Start over again and redefine who you are. Have new adventures, learn about new cultures and meet different people. Expand your awareness of the world.
5. Release friendships that no longer resonate with you and walk away from people who never support you in your choices and who second guess you all the time. Friendships should always leave you feeling more of yourself. Do yours?
* Choose to surround yourself with friends who support you 100% and who want to see you win in your life. Friends who show up for you as much as you show up for them.
6. Walk away from toxic family members who don’t respect your boundaries. Sometimes blood is not thicker that water. If you are in abusive or toxic relationships with family members who take you for granted and treat you with contempt then walk away!
* Choose to strengthen relationships with family who resonate with you and respect who you are. If you don't relate to anyone in your family, that's OK. Very often our tribe is not the one we are born into but the one we choose for ourselves.
7. Let go of all those unworkable expectations you have of yourself and others. They're not getting you anywhere or anything except resentment and constant feelings of failure. In life, the intensity of the pain always relates directly to the size of the expectation. Want to be happier? Then lower your expectations... even lower.. lower than that.. there you go.
*Choose to accept who you and others are instead of holding onto a picture of how you think you all should be. Work with 'what is' instead of focusing on 'what isn't'.
8. Say no to anyone or anything that drains your time and energy and leaves you feeling less than yourself. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries... Don't leave home without them!
*Choose to protect your space, your mind, your emotions, your body and your spirit. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Trust your inner knowing more and be guided by your intuition.
9. Stop abusing yourself with junk food, cigarettes, booze, gambling and drugs. Take a serious look at your addiction to TV and social media and the dire effects it's having on your relationships. If you can't stop on your own, find help.
* Choose to nurture your body with the right nutrition and movement. Choose to give yourself a break from technology every day. Choose to feed your life with supportive behaviour and conscious daily practices.
10. Stop saying 'one day when'... That day never comes. Be careful of the 'when' excuses you use. When I get that increase, when I retire, when I lose weight, when I'm single again, when my kids are older. What's your 'when'? Throw it in the bin and do what you want to do now.
*Choose to say 'yes' to your desires. Write that book, travel to that place, start that business, ask them out on a date, buy that dress, start that blog. Whatever it is - it's waiting for you now! One day it will be too late.
Choose a new direction for your life even if no-one agrees with it.
Choose a new version of yourself even if no-one understands it.
Choose whatever the hell you want, even if everyone thinks you've lost your mind.
Choose growth, transformation and evolution.
It's your life, you can live it any way you want to.
It's time to choose what life you really want for yourself and learn to say no to anything that isn't that.