Updated: Dec 2, 2021
What do you do when you're feeling stuck, immobile, worthless and tired, so tired of everything? Those days when it feels like you're drowning under the waves of overwhelm, so strong that they push you right down to the ocean floor where you lie paralysed by fear & doubt.
Stuckness - that space between honouring yourself and pleasing others. Feeling like you have to do what is expected of you vs. doing what feels right. Wrestling with trying to be someone you're not or doing something that you don't want to do.
This can happen in all areas of your life, Your health, relationship, finances, faith, home, friendships, parenting and personal growth. Being stuck can feel like hopelessness, boredom, self doubt, powerlessness, exhaustion and numbness - all of which can lead to more inaction and, ultimately, depression.
Being stuck isn't only about feeling apathetic though. Stuckness can also trigger eruptions and reactive behaviours, having a dire affect on your self worth and the quality of your work and relationships. Stuckness can trigger a lot of frustrations which often get suppressed, eventually emerging as unhealthy projections onto the wrong people:
You can't express your anger at your boss so you take it out on your partner at home.
You feel powerless at work so you becoming controlling with your kids.
You're overwhelmed with stress so you learn to cope with alcohol, drugs, gambling, casual sex or excessive online activity.
You feel rejected and ignored at home so you become a bully at work.
You stop taking care of yourself, becoming insecure which triggers jealousy in your relationship.
Getting unstuck is a two-pronged attack. You have to get into action and shift your state of mind. If you're experiencing stuckness in your life right now, see if you can apply some of these steps to start moving in a new direction:
Stop the negative self talk. Remove phrases like “I should” or “I have to” or "If I don't..." from your vocabulary.
Learn to accept what is happening. The more you resist a thought, the stronger it becomes. Accepting 'what is' lets your mind relax into finding solutions instead of focusing on the problems.
Be present with your emotions. It's necessary to face your fear and frustrations so you can shine a light on what the real issues are - only then can you come up with a specific plan of action to change your reality.
Take a risk and try new things to get out of your comfort zone and break your predictable thought patterns. Preferably something physical that gets you out of your head such as abseiling / skydiving / dance classes / open water swimming / a martial art etc.
Manage your expectations of yourself and others. Get real about what you are capable of, respect your limitations and be honest about what's really possible.
Focus on what you can control, not what you can’t. You cannot control what happens in the world or how others speak or behave, but you can control your reactions to all of it!
Make self care a priority! Get your spiritual, emotional, mental and physical needs met through daily and weekly rituals.
Make a list of things that you are good at and prioritise activities that give you a sense of accomplishment. Small daily things around the house or office or with friends/family that can increase your self esteem and pride and uplift your mood.
Getting unstuck means taking things one day at a time. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to accomplish a lot in a single day or week. Manage your time carefully, do one thing to start and pay attention to how you're feeling as you go. Check in with yourself once a week to see where the stuckness is in your life and take an hour to brainstorm ideas around getting unstuck. If you're struggling to find a path forward or a way out then book a session with a Life Coach who can support you to create a plan of action.