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Creating a Relationship That Works

Updated: Apr 3



Always prioritise time to focus your energy on to your relationship:


There are never quick fixes in life but you can start shifting small behaviours on a daily basis which can lead to big results quicker than you think. Here's a list of 28 ways you can start creating a more workable relationship with your partner. 


  1. Resolve your unhealed wounds from previous relationships so that your current partner doesn’t end up paying the price for your unresolved issues.

  2. Speak your truth in a way that doesn’t make your partner feel attacked. Choose the right time and place, pay attention to the tone of your voice and start sentences with 'I' instead of 'You'. Always look for the win-win. 

  3. Don’t assume anything. Ever! Always ask your partner how they are really feeling or what their behaviour truly means so that there are no misinterpretations. 

  4. Support your partner in all things. Don’t belittle your partner just to make yourself feel justified or more important on bad days. 

  5. Empower your partner to be 100% responsible for their own life and accountable for their own choices. Be careful of stepping into the role of parent or headteacher, you are not there to fix them. 

  6. Enjoy separate development. Don’t do everything together. Spend time apart and live your own lives. Have your own friends and hobbies. Space is healthy and necessary to grow. 

  7. Maintain an equilibrium in the energy of your relationship, Support each other’s differences and strengths instead of putting them down. And don’t ever seek to win at your partner’s expense. 

  8. Always keep exploring each other sexually. Seek new, different and exciting ways to engage each other in the bedroom to keep the fire alive. 

  9. Stay present when your partner is trying to tell you something hard. Relationships only evolve through trust and being able to tell each other the truth - even when it’s hard to hear. Don’t keep over-reacting or walking away otherwise, after a while, they’ll stop talking… then they’ll stop listening… then they’ll stop caring… then they’ll leave. 

  10. Always keep your agreements. No matter what. 

  11. Let it be if your partner does not get on with your family. They’re in a relationship with you, not your parents or siblings. Don’t keep inflicting your family on your partner. If they don’t get along, so what? Stop forcing the issue. 

  12. Be willing to learn, you are not always right. If you are open and receptive, your partner will teach you everything you need to know about how to make it with them. Growth in a relationship is not finite, there is always something more to discover. 

  13. You are responsible for your own happiness, it’s not your partner’s job to make you feel happy or joyful - it’s yours.

  14. Honour your commitment to your partner - do not get intimate (emotionally, mentally or physically) with anyone outside of your relationship, unless you both agree to an open relationship. 

  15. Talk about what’s not working and communicate your expectations regularly. This will save a lot of fighting. Don’t play the passive aggressive game - no one wins. 

  16. Pay attention when your partner is talking. Put your technology down and be present with them. Don’t let your phone, computer to TV get in the way of intimacy. And listen to what is really being said, not what you think is being said. 

  17. Your self respect is everything, don’t ever compromise yourself in order to stay in any relationship, ever!

  18. Your partner is perfectly capable of delivering their own communications. They don’t need you to speak for them or answer questions on their behalf. You are not their parent, don’t ever override their voice.

  19. You cannot give your partner everything they need so stop trying or you’ll end up breaking yourself.

  20. Don’t ever use manipulations to get your own way, you will pay the price later on. 

  21. Your value in the relationship is not determined by how much money you earn. Your value in the relationship is not determined by how much money you earn. Your value in the relationship is not determined by how much money you earn. 

  22. Never use sex as a way to avoid talking about what is really going on. 

  23. Treat your relationship with the sacredness it deserves. Do not discuss your relationship problems or reveal intimate details about your partner with your friends and family. It’s inappropriate and it’s no-one else’s business what happens between the two of you. 

  24. Gentleness and compassion go a long way. Don’t be so hard on your partner. Their problems may not be the same as yours, but they are no less stressful. Your partner is not your competition! 

  25. Be awake to what is really going on! If your instinct is telling you that something is wrong, pay attention and address it immediately! Don’t go unconscious. 

  26. You are both entitled to have different points of view. Just because your partner disagrees with you doesn’t mean it has to turn into a fight. 

  27. Your partner is loving you the best way they know how, just because it doesn’t match your idea of what love should be, doesn’t make it wrong. You can both be willing to learn new ways while also letting go of those unrealistic pictures of what you think love should be.

  28. Healthy relationships are about equal exchange. Don't let your partner always be the one who initiates everything (the conversations, the intimacy, the social arrangements, the managing of day to day logistics etc). Take responsibility for showing up as much as they do.


Take it slowly, commit to shifting old, stuck behaviours, be consistent with your actions, keep the communication open and honest and watch how quickly things can start to change. 


I have supported thousands of couples for over 29 years to create powerful relationships with my coaching work. If you're ready to experience a deeper commitment, real communication and more profound intimacy with your partner, then, book a couple's session and let's start a journey together. I can't wait to meet you both.

 

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